May 2013
americugh:
When a cute boy sneezes I don’t say bless u because I see that god already has
gnarly-gnat:
one time at a wax museum i thought one of the tour guides was a wax person cuz they were just standing there not moving so i go up to them like “who the fuck is this supposed to be” then they just looked at me and laughed
kankrivantas:
do you ever think really awful thoughts and suddenly become aware that you are not a good person
-annoying:
i wanna play twister with someone really hot
oops i fell & touched your whole body
thebatteur:
once in kindergarten a girl asked me to write “super girl” on her arm since i was the only kid who could write so i wrote “shit” on her arm and i hid under the table for like 30 minutes then the teacher found me and yelled at me then called my parents and my dad laughed so hard he cried
theyellowbrickroad:
so i was wearing this shirt with these super comfortable jeans all day but something felt weird about them so when i got home i took them off and changed into pajamas and i was looking at the back of them and
partybarackisinthehousetonight:
pro tip: fill the piñata with absolutely nothing to prepare your kids for the letdowns of adulthood
jebiwonkenobi:
When I was little I thought being an adult meant not having a bed time but I’ve come to realize that it just means being in charge of my own bed time and it turns out that I am not equipped to handle that responsibility.
comemorninglighte:
sunsetmugging:
captainodair:
whats the html code for a social life
<go> </outside>
404 error
forever-and-alwayss:
Seriously need new friends.
icedoutyouth:
I feel like I’m losing a lot of my friends and it’s not because of anything I did, they just got better friends.
roseisreturning:
mermaids don’t have thigh gaps but they can still lure men to their deaths
COSMO SEX TIP #8329
arekelly:
Instead of moaning during climax say “Flash 9 required for audio”.
slydig:
lovemenowtill4ever:
slydig:
who would name their kid zoey 101
Uhm……that was her room number not part of her name
why would her room number be zoey
obliteratedheart:
Always remember that you are not worthless, organs are extremely expensive on the black market
