my mom went to high school with jamie lee curtis and one time they both got caught smoking pot together and jamie told the teacher it was my mom’s and my mom was suspended and jamie lee got no punishment so think about that next time you want some activia
girl fact #285: makeup gives us super human strength. if you see a girl with perfect winged eyeliner and red lipstick, approach with caution. she’s got the power to slay her enemies with one look and use their blood as blush.
the other day we were discussing dating and this one dude was like “I don’t see the big deal why can’t people just ask people out without all the fuss” and another guy was like “well you get nervous and you get butterflies in your stomach ya know” and the first dude looked the other dude straight in the eye and said “DIGEST THEM.”